Though we found out about it three weeks before, it woulda the most classic April Fool’s Day joke ever. Epic. I just noticed that the date on the picture we first posted was April 1. What if she wouldn’t have found out until three weeks later? She could have had me going for at least an hour or so before I really believed it. But it is me we’re talking about, here. I believe any story that amuses me, no matter how far fetched. And this one was the #1 bestseller.
So I’ll just cut to the chase: Linda and I are going to be parents.
How cool is that.
The look on her face and she descended the stairs to tell me about it was priceless. Somewhere between winning the lottery and stepping in dog crap, that look told me pretty much everything I needed to know. It was the triumphant battle standard raised and also the trepidation at the maw that beckoned. It was the kind of look that said, “nothing will ever be the same again.” It was at once exultant and fearful, which I have to figure are the two emotions that well up in most cases where the couple has been planning for a pregnancy.
Not to go into too much detail, but we had been trying for a reasonable period of time to have a kid. We’re recently married. We’re both 30-something and weren’t getting any younger, so there was no time like the present to get started. And we don’t particularly want to be the ‘old dad/mom’, taking our kid to school with children parented by people who are barely old enough to buy beer and whose ‘shorts’ go down to mid-calf level. As far as finances, we were as ready as we were ever going to be.
So, after re-running the test like the OCD sufferers we are, we officially passed into the stunned out of our socks phase. It’s one thing to be prepping for this news, but the reality of the situation hit us like a ton of bricks: we are going to be responsible for the care and upkeep of another human being. That’s not even mentioning that we’ll have to fill the kid full of useful information, like calculus, parallel parking and why ‘Empire’ is the greatest Star Wars movie.
But it didn’t take us long to get the train rolling. After a morning of trepidation and fretting, a happiness bordering on bliss set in. This is what we had been waiting for. We were going to be doing one of the only things humans are on this planet can agree we’re all here for: making more humans. If I was happy, Linda was just about jumping out of her skin.
Of course, detailed planning had to begin immediately. By the evening, Linda had done just about everything but pick out a college for the kid (I think she may have missed her true calling as an Army procurement officer.) A subscription to the Consumer Reports website was purchased, and very quickly I became intimately familiar with the blood feud between the Baby-nator 9000 and ‘Lil Luffentoten strolling systems. Who would have figured something so innocuous could inspire the online equivalent of the War of the Roses? But for the love of Pete, what is with the breast pumping machine?! I wish I was Jerry Seinfeld right now; that’s an entire episode.
See the things I’m learning, breast pumps and whatnot? Next thing you know, I’ll be voting Republican. Heck, I’ve already caught myself more than once moaning about the need for tax cuts in Philly. The city wage tax is outta control, man! Fear not, though: the kid will grow up on a steady diet of Keepin’ it Green and Eatin’ Right.
We’re a very happy couple, and we’re happy to share this with our families and friends. Thank you for being there with us. Even though some of you are far away (too far!), know that all we’ll pass along all the wonderful things you’ve taught on to our child.
Linda sends her love and I’ll sign off by saying that having this kid will eventually allow me to fulfill a lifelong dream: sitting on a porch and yelling at kids to get off my lawn. Heh. Damn kids.
Stay tuned here for more over the next 28-ish weeks, because we’ll be letting you follow every step of the way. Maybe I’ll even do a live blog from the delivery room. ;-)
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